Wednesday, January 11, 2012

99 problems

My dear adoring fans, the wench who sometimes gives me food has been a real pain in the ass lately. Something has to be done about this. First of all, my demands for food are getting ignored. WTF, right? Secondly, she keeps telling me I have to “exercise.” What a bunch of B.S.! First of all I am a MAN CAT, not a pussy, secondly I am perfect. And my final complaint, she won’t give me a facebook page so my fans can properly adore me in the right place.
Something has to be done; this abuse cannot go on any longer. I will be taking a napping while you, my beloved public, do something about these atrocities. 

Saturday, October 8, 2011

What America is craving

Ok I think CNN, MSNBC or Fox or something needs to give me a show. We will call it Roundtable with Irwin Peppermint in which me and a guest discuss current affairs like where the fuck is my damn dinner and why do i like get only two meals a day. My body is a temple; it needs to be nourished.

Man does AMERICA need this.
I ask only the most important questions.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Master of the house

Doesn't this look like a master?

As a Patriot, it is important to clearly establish who runs the household. In my case, I am clearly the head. Many within the household may disagree (namely the food wretch and Sofia), but all the evidence points to this being the only and absolute truth. For example, when I want food I get it. So, you see my case has been proven. I also do hair. I'm a great hair stylist. This only adds to the awesomeness of me being the master of the house.

It's good to be king.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011


the impostor
me. i am one good looking guy.
this guy kinda looks like me, expect he is canadian. therefore, not awesome. or american. like me.

i also have a soul patch.

that's not me in the front. that is my evil sister sofia. im pretty sure she is a nazi.

let get things started

First of all the most awesome America thing, me. I am awesome. I doubt you have met anyone as awesome. Although the dude who doesn’t do any thing at the house expect maybe pet me, saids I am not American cause I cant get a passport. That is a bunch of bull. I don’t need a passport that is how American I am. Some people seem to think I am fat. That is not true, I am just big boned.